and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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