You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
