That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Mom said you looked used
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
