i permit you to call me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
