Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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