He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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