I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
