The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
