My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
