i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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