She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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