i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
