Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
