she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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