How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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