I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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