I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
