I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
