So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
