your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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