I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
