Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
