Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
