It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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