I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
