Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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