We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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