New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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