Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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