I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
