he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
