I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
