FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
