Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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