I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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