why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
