about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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