wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
