not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
