Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
