What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
