He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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