she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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