They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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