she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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