They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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