They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
