lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
