and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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