i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
