His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
