and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
