I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
